Today I feel a little like Forrest Gump (and don’t say you never have … how many times have you wanted to say “sometimes there just aren’t enough stones” and other Gumpisms??). Why I hear you ask? Because today I just stopped running, well farming actually. I walked off the land like a disillusioned Texan walking away from a 1930s dust bowl, or Paul Henry’s TV audience.
I’ve possibly even left a kitten or two unbrushed, and yes I feel just a little guilty about that.
No, seriously I’ve done my dash with FarmVille. Even though I wrote a helpful guide on leveling up in FarmVille (actually Crystal should’ve written it – she leveled up a lot quicker than me), I feel like I’ve gone far enough with it. I got to level 32, had 200g in the bank (where’s the cash-up option?) and some fond memories of alien cows and red tractors as well as the soothing sounds of farmyard banter, I think this is it, I’m walking away. Strangely enough if you look at the screenshot I’ve taken you’ll see that all 22 of my neighbors seem to have had the same idea, or possibly it’s just a glitch in the matrix.
And it’s not that I’m switching to Cafe World, FishVille, PetVille or FireBombZyngaVille – I just can’t be bothered with it anymore. I know some who used to be neighbors got to the point where their farms were so big they just felt like they were clicking squares for hours on end, and at that point had some kind of lightbulb moment, an epiphany if you will, and ditched the farm, some even leaving valuable crops to wither and die (the sheer inhumanity of it all overwhelms me really). I know these games are really designed to be easy to play for a reason – to hook you in. Then they get your friends involved and it becomes like some kind of peer pressure thing to see who can level up the quickest or score the most ribbons for floral decorations or fertilizing someone’s Dahlias. But behind the thin veneer of free and friendly games Zynga corporates stay up at night (their customers are staying up at night too but for different reasons) thinking of ways to make you part with real money to pay for fake money, even telling you that you’ve been specially selected for a never-to-be-repeated offer, but only for the next 10 minutes. I was half expecting a free ‘Kenny Rogers Best Of’ to be thrown in if I used my credit card.
Nope that’s it. I’m an ex-farmer and it feels good to be free of the burden, the heavy heavy burden of worrying that I would forget about my crops one day and leave them to die a slow, painful death under the hot cyber sun of planet FarmVille. While this isn’t the AMA (and I hope Kanye doesn’t interrupt me to tell me how great Beyonce is) I do want to thank all my lovely neighbors for their generous gifts of olive trees, blue hay bales and ugly gnomes – you truly are wonderful people and I apologize that I won’t be fertilizing your lemon trees in the future.
So there’ll be a garage sale of some pre-loved farm equipment coming soon – red tractor anyone?